Learning

Charlie and I have had an exhausting week. We have suceeded personally when I wasn’t sure I could even get up and do half of what I needed to do. He has a tendancy to immediately tell me he can’t do things. I worry that is me. My insecurities. Maybe it is just normal to be so small and green. Maybe he believes he will never be tall enough to complete the tasks. Today he was confident. He learned a song by listening to it for hours. Then he sang it all. Worked at the timing like I did in my 30s trying to play and sing songs. Here he is 4. He used the hand held sweeper he has been afraid of since his eyes could follow it and understood how to remove each tiny crumb. Swept up an ant because he is a wild boy. Best of all he was actually interested in painting a flower to preserve it’s memory. Flowers his dad bought us before he left to play music to cheer us while he was gone.

As sad or stressed or sick as I could be, there is nothing better than him asking me to teach him.

I am at the end of a case of shingles. My body has hated me for years. It’s the stress. Do I keep allowing, creating this stress. Is it normal stress? Is it the way I am enternalizing it? Am I at “that” age. Shingles. These things are no joke. A tiny patch of them eats away at your nerves. For me to go to the doctor on my own for something outside of preventative care means I was sure I was dying. Absolutely maddening.

David drove all day to get home. We scrambled for two hours to clean ourselves up. Bathe. Brush our hair. Sweep. Clean. Clean. Clean. Toys in boxes. Paint brushes in glass jars. And we made him some sub-par dinner he told me was delicious. He took Char a little bike ride to remind me we live in a beautiful place. And before 8:00 pm Charlie fell asleep on the chaise in the sunroom. His day was so full of learning he couldn’t even stay awake at his happiest.

I mangled together a weird cat in the dark and watched Seinfeld and sipped Whiskey David received from his band mate for his birthday. Coveted whiskey we shared with club soda and oranges. Then soon David was asleep too.