Should be finishing a painting I promised myself I would or working. Doodling orange cats for Charlie instead.
David was home in time for a trip to Dawes Arboretum and Charlie’s first family soccer lesson. Hauled ass from TN to OH before the sun went down. 9 long days without him. We stayed past 7 in the garden and almost had the gates closed on us. Daffodils everywhere.
I finished up the sea horse early in the morning. Maybe it was already finished and I should have left it. Exhausted but unable to sleep I made a rose with dirty water.
Staying at the warehouse tonight. Not so thrilled. Welcome to the opulent life of the entrepreneur. Dirty office full of toys and guitar parts and a pull out microfiber couch that kills my 45 year old back. It means I don’t have to drag my 4 year old at 5am so I am happy to have that choice.
Wanted to go art walk in Zanesville but I seriously didn’t have the energy for it. It was a time to say no. The little energy I had left my kid needed. He wanted me to paint one of his little stuffed TY animals and make him all his favorites for dinner. We spent a few hours at the house doing just that. I love how his little crazy mind spins and how it puts together robot legos. Seahorses can wait.
Early this morning I made a fruit owl for daycare. One of the girls is leaving. We really liked her so it’s a little sad. Fruit owls have to be considered art. I have no idea with our schedule tomorrow how I will make art. Making art everyday is proving harder than I imagined.
Spent about three hours after dinner painting. Over the past few years I started using acrylics more than watercolors. My favorite place to spend money is Plaza Art in Nashville. In there I found some premium paints called Golden Fluid Acrylics that have brilliant colors but paint more like watercolors. They are popular in the paint pouring world. It really did reshape how I was painting. Over the last few months I have wanted to revisit watercolors. The same company has a watercolor line too called QOR. These watercolors have the crazy vibrancy the acrylics do. They come in tubes. I usually use cheap blocks. I bought a box of 6 of them and a white that totaled around $60.00. Pretty expensive for watercolors….BUT WOW! I am probably going to have to spring for more.
Wanting to make a larger seahorse on a clay board I had to get the acrylics back out. They felt clunky when I started using them the night before last but I was reminded by an internet friend to use more water. The Golden Fluid acrylics don’t loose the color when you do this. Still a lot of work to do on it but this 20″ X 16″ Seahorse is coming along.
I really want to get better at drawing so I did an aloe study on a plant in the sunroom. Not easy but I thought I had a decent, quick, loose drawing so I painted it with watercolors. Going back and forth on the two paintings and two different paint styles. The aloe didn’t turn out that great but maybe if I do it again I will be able to get a good one. Good practice and a fun and crazy experiment. It did make quite a mess of the sunroom. Of course Charlie had Legos, robots and snacks all over his side of the room all housed in a pillow fort. We left it all as is when it was bath time and even though I said I was the adult and would get us to bed early here it is midnight.
Switching back to acrylics for a larger seashore painting on canvas. I honestly thought I would have it almost finished last night but all I managed was a base coat on it. I love how fast and delicate watercolors move. Unforgiving yet somehow free. Maybe it is the size and not the paint. It has been awhile since I made something this large. I like to be able to complete something in one swoop. Let’s see if I go back into this tonight or if it sits propped up somewhere for a year.
Exhausted, sick and overworked David and I decided driving back and forth this week couldn’t happen. 9 days disconnected. A happy little gal knocked on the warehouse door today with a beautiful sunflower bouquet. It’s hard not to immediately think of how expensive these things are when you are working so hard, but how can you not let your heart explode all over these yellow miniature sunshines. Charlie wanted one to put in his own cup of water. We tore up the sunroom with legos, snacks and art supplies. No phones or tablets for 2 hours. A beautiful mix of Roseanne Cash, John Prine, Rodney Crowell and Lucinda Williams circling from the kitchen.
Studying seahorses tonight. Quick drawings, a quick watercolor and a lengthy large drawing on a canvas I am not sure is good enough to start painting. Charlie is singing songs about kisses and hugs. I am fighting opening a bottle of wine. Maybe I should just go wash my face and brush my teeth and turn on the tv.
I wanted to sleep in until 10 but I woke up at 7:30 and started making coffee and feeding birds. I guess I just missed the sunrise and I do hate missing that. In my head I was writing a song but the coffee turned it off before I could type it all out so I started doing what I financially needed to do and listed some guitar parts on eBay.
Melancholy has been my companion lately. Sometimes good in the evening when I want to paint and brood but most times a negative. I don’t need it to paint. It doesn’t have to be why an artist creates but it does help create different settings, strange landscapes and a complete palette change. None of that is usually worth it staying around. The worst part about it is no one can help you and no matter what beautiful things are surrounding you it lingers, unless… Unless you can some how decide it is leaving. Is it a decision? I always say it is and if I don’t believe that I may not decide to let go of Melancholy.
Tomorrow is Monday and I am hoping the start of the work week can be a new start. I have reset myself 12 times in 16 weeks. So close to warm weather but today it has been in the 30s. I can’t stay in Ohio the rest of my life. The spring in all its glory always tricks my heart. Charlie needs my sunshine so I will move forward with this personal intervention today.
I hate missing David but playing music here doesn’t work for him. We probably need to sell the house here and find a place to live in TN close to Nashville. My business can work either place but my family? And everything is so expensive there now. The apartment there has worked for us until now. Now, It’s just prolonging the inevitable. Not feeling like this conversation but I am getting too weary for the in-between. David had a drop in show. It was kind of shitty how it fell in but it was a CMT video filming. Professional level stuff. I can’t make choices for him. I want him to be happy. He has to be excited to do things like this but at the same time if it is blowing up our schedule it is hard on us too. And he never has time for his own voice….his own creations. We have some hard decisions to make in the next 6 months.
I made two pieces of art today. I struggled last night to paint a tulip. Wasn’t sure I would get through it. Drew it out in bed with one eye open. Almost gave up on my every day art experiment. Art doesn’t always have to be good. It doesn’t have to be tedious. I don’t have to toil and create something to frame for it to be a creation. This is teaching me how to get better. Getting better and enjoying the process is what I tell myself is important. I need to actually believe that.
I made a little pink bird that I am not sure is a real thing but I saw the photo on the internet and saved it. I gave it a human eye so it’s a little kooky. When I posted it on Facebook a beautiful little hippie girl from my Zanesville circle wanted me to paint a photo of her cat that just passed. I can’t commission so I said I would try for free if she sent photos. I am horrible with the expectations. Especially expectations about a pet that has crossed over the rainbow bridge. I tried. Orange cat was a little skinny but I think I captured his glow. Best part was that It made Charlie giggle and dream of his own orange cat.
Currently I am in some sort of robot Lego loop with Charlie that I really don’t want to be. I do know I have to play Legos now because he has given me a considerable amount of hours today to work and art.